Patient: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? Doctor: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Patient: Doctor, you got to help me. I’m under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did, you fucking jackass!
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, Patient: Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses? Doctor: Yes. Patient: Oh good! I have been illiterate for so long.
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