Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden! 
Police: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it. 

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Man: Can I speak to the burglar who broke into my house when I was away?
Policeman: Why?
Man: I want to know how he managed to enter without waking my wife up!

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An old lady was speeding down the highway while she was knitting.
A cop saw this and sped up alongside her vehicle. “Pullover!” the cop said.
“No!” the woman replied “There’re mittens”

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