Amazing Question Answer Jokes

Question: What does a 7-course meal mean for men?
Answer: A hot dog and a 6-pack of beer.

Question: What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
Answer: The 1977 world hide and seek champion.

Question: If I swatted one fly out of 10, how many would be left?
Answer: One, the dead one.

Question: Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Answer: for, he is an elf-made man.

Question: When shouldn’t a mountain climber call for help?
Answer: When he is hanging by his teeth.

Question: What did an IT guy name his set of twins?
Answer: Copy-Paste.

Question: Who is the most unlucky person in the world?
Answer: The one who does not get the MASALA packet in a MAGGI pack.

Question: The definition of a perfect wife?
Answer: Only who helps the husband with the dishes.

Question: What did the sadist say to the masochist?
Answer: No!

Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

Question: How do you keep your husband from reading your mails?
Answer: Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manual’.

Question: What is the thinnest book in the world?
Answer: Biographies of happy women.

Question: What is height of secrecy?
Answer: Offering blank visiting cards!

Question: What is difference between dating and marriage?
Answer: When you are dating, he likes to ‘discuss’ things.
When you are married, he develops a ‘blank’ stare.

Question: What’s the next thing one should do after winning an argument with wife?
Answer: Apologize.

Question: Why do women live longer than men?
Answer: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Question: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
Answer: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you!

Question: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light-bulb?
Answer: Two, one to remove the bulb and drop it, and the other to sell it before it crashes.

Question: How do amoebae keep in touch?
Answer: With cell phones.

Question: During the marriage ceremony, why bridegroom is made to sit on a horse?
Answer: He’s given a last chance to run away.

Question: Which hand should you use to stir tea?
Answer: Neither, better to use a spoon.

Question: Best way to avoid diseases caused by biting insects?
Answer: Don’t bite any!

Question: What’s yellow-n-white and travels 100 km/hr?
Answer: The train driver’s egg sandwich.

Question: Why are people happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time?
Answer: Because the puzzle box says '3-5 years'.

Question: What do you call a snake who is employed by the government?
Answer: A civil serpent.

Question: What did a Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
Answer: Sum Ting Wong.

Question: What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
Answer: A nervous wreck.

Question: What do you call ghosts who scare talk show hosts?
Answer: The phantom of the Oprah.

Question: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
Answer: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghosts.

Question: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.

Question: With the current market turmoil, what’s the easiest way to make a smart fortune?
Answer: Start with a large one.

Question: What is the one thing that all men at single bar have in common?
Answer: They are married.

Question: What did a fish say when it bumped into a wall?
Answer: Dam!

Question: What do you get when you nuke a cat?
Answer: Radioactivekitty.

Question: What is the real punishment for bigamy?
Answer: More than one mother-in-law.

Question: How was Santa caught peeping into Sam’s house?
Answer: He was looking through keyhole of the glass door.

Question: What do you call a fish with no eye?
Answer: A FSH.

Question: Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?
Answer: It changes their blood type.

Question: What do a guy and a car have in common?
Answer: They both have the ability to misfire.

Question: How does a cricketer describe a pin-up girl?
Answer: No cover, no extra cover, two silly points and two fine legs.

Question: What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Answer: Erotic is using a feather… kinky is using the whole chicken.

Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Clause?
Answer: Claustrophobic!

Question: Should women have children after 35?
Answer: No 35 are more than enough.

Question: Where did Tiger Woods and his wife go at 2:30 in the morning?
Answer: They went clubbing.

Question: What’s the difference between a golf ball and a car?
Answer: Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball three hundred yards.

Question: What is the Tiger Woods new nickname?
Answer: CHEETAAH!

Question: How do you know when you are leading a sad life?
Answer: When a nymphomaniac tells you, “Let’s just be friends”.

Question: What happened when Tiger Woods ran into a tree?
Answer: A lot of women fell out.

Question: How do crazy people go through the forest?
Answer: They take the psycho path.

Question: How was the actress when she saw that her hair was turning grey?
Answer: She thought she would dye.

Question: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?
Answer: A Leap Year.

Question: What is green and jumps a lot?
Answer: A frog with hiccups.

Question: Why are men like fine wine?
Answer: Because they have to be stomped on and kept in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.

Question: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
Answer: Tell you later.

Question: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: Two, one to remove the light bulb and drop it, and the other to sell it before it crashes.

Question: How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend?
Answer: He gave her a ring.

Question: Why do they bury mother-in-law. 18 feet down when everyone else is buried 6 feet down?
Answer: Because, deep down they’re really very nice people.

Question: What do you call a politician with half a brain?
Answer: Gifted!

Question: What did one elevator say to the other?
Answer: I think I’m coming down with something.

Question: What difference do 30 years make?
Anwser: 1970: Rolling stones
2000: Kidney stones.

Question: What difference do 30 years make?
Answer: 1970: Whatever
2000: Depends.

Question: What’s the difference between light and hard?
Answer: You can sleep with a light on.

Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.

Question: Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Answer: Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.

Question: How did a man keep his youth?
Answer: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Question: Why is air a lot like sex?
Answer: It’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

Question: Why is sleeping with a woman like a soap opera?
Answer: it’s the same tired old plot, year in and year out.

Question: Why do women live longer than men?
Answer: Shopping never causes heart attacks but paying the bill does.

Question: What is hospitality?
Answer: Making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they weren’t.

Question: What did the robot say to his new bride?
Answer: We are wired up now baby.

Question: What is the height of secrecy?
Answer: Giving blank visiting cards.

Question: Why are American names like Jackson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davidson, Jamson and Johnson?
Answer: So that mothers know who the dad is.

Question: Why is sleeping with a man like soap opera?
Answer: Just when it gets interesting, he’s finished until next time.

Question: What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
Answer: It ends up in his mouth.

Question: How is a man like a microwave oven?
Answer: Just another thing that heaps up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.

Question: Why are men like blenders?
Answer: You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Question: Why are wives more dangerous than mafia?
Answer: The mafia wants either your money or your life.
The wife wants both!

Question: How does Santa kill a fish?
Answer: He drowns it!

Question: Santa was staring at the ice cube. Why?
Answer: To find its leakage point!

Question: What is the next thing that a guy does after winning an argument with his girlfriend?
Answer: Apologize!

Question: How do you identify a true music lover?
Answer: A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to the keyhole instead of this eye!

Question: What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
Answer: Referee.

Question: What is middle age?
Answer: That phase of life when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

Question: Why has Kevin Keegan banned his players from owning dogs?
Answer: They can’t hang onto a lead.

Question: What tea of footballers drink?
Answer: PenalTea.

Question: What is the height of hope?
Answer: Sitting in the exam hall, holding the question paper in hand and telling yourself “Dude, don’t worry. Exam will get postponed”.

Question: What do bungee jumping and a hooker have in common?
Answer: They both cost over a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.

Question: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag?
Answer: Tea bag stays in the cup longer.

Question: How are women and tornadoes alike?
Answer: Both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

Question: Do you know the similarity between dinosaurs and good humored girls?
Answer: Both don’t exist.

Question: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
Answer: She kept having affairs with men.

Question: What’s the difference between Clinton and Messi?
Answer: Clinton scores, Messi doesn’t.

Question: Are men like diplomas?
Answer: Yes, for you spend enough time getting one, but once you have it, you don’t know what to do with it.

Question: What is a man’s definition of safe sex?
Answer: A padded headboard.

Question: Why does it take a million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Answer: They don’t stop for directions.

Question: What do you call a woman who works like a man?
Answer: Lazy.

Question: What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?
Answer: Miss him. Pity him.

Question: What’s the difference between a man and a woman?
Answer: A woman must play hard to get, a man must get hard to play!

Question: What do you call a handcuffed man?
Answer: Trustworthy.

Question: What do you call a woman who aspires to be equal to a man?
Answer: Hopelessly un ambitious.

Question: What is the most intelligent thing a man can say?
Answer: Yes, dear.

Question: Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
Answer: She’s read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Question: What’s the first thing you think about a well-dressed guy?
Answer: His girl is good at choosing clothes.

Question: What’s the difference between a man and a dog?
Answer: A dog is satisfied with a little petting.

Question: Why do men like love at first sight?
Answer: it saves them a lot of time.

Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women?
Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

Question: Why does wikileaks keep leaking sensitive state secrets?
Answer: Because they can.

Question: What is the difference between love and herpes?
Answer: Love doesn’t last forever.

Question: How is a man different from a woman when they turn 40?
Answer: The latter dreams of having children and the former dreams of dating them.

Question: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
Answer: When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Question: How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
Answer: Call her and tell her.

Question: What do condoms and cameras have in common?
Answer: They both capture the moment.

Question: What happened to the blonde at the soccer stadium?
Answer: She drowned in the Mexican wave.

Question: What did the ocean say to the beach?
Answer: Nothing, it just waved!

Question: What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
Answer: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Question: Why did the scientist disconnect his doorbell?
Answer: Because he wanted to win the No-bell prize.

Question: What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?
Answers: Tyrannosaurus Tex.

Question: Why do all cockroaches run away from Himesh Reshammiya?
Answer: Because all his songs are HIT!

Question: What does a man mean when he says, ‘let’s take your car’?
Answer: Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and is out of fuel.

Question: What’s the difference between a woman and a volcano?
Answer: A volcano never fakes an eruption.

Question: Why haven’t they sent a woman to the moon yet?
Answer: It doesn’t need cleaning.

Question: Did you hear Cher is joining the Spice Girls?
Answer: They’re going to call her Old Spice.

Question: What are those three words that can ruin a man’s ego?
Answer: Is it in?

Question: How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: What do you mean, it was out, it was in?

Question: What’s the similarity between a merchant bank and Katie Price?
Answer: Both institutions are built on artificial assets that are over-inflated.

Question: How many Death Eaters does it take to light up a wand?
Answer: Two. One to light it and the other to kill him and take the credit.

Question: How are women and a hurricane alike?
Answer: When they arrive they’re both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and car.

Question: What’s the best thing about turning 65?
Answer: No more calls from the insurance salesman!

Question: What does an elf learn in school?
Answer: ‘Elf’abets.

Question: Why did the golf player take an extra pair of pants when he went out on the golf course?
Answer: Just in case he gets a hole in one.

Question: What do you call two banana peels?
Answer: A pair of slippers.

Question: Want to hear two blonde jokes?
Answer: Listen to Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake.

Question: Do robots have sisters?
Answer: No, just transistors!

Question: What’s the noisiest thing one can ever imagine?
Answer: Two skeletons making love on a tin roof.

Question: What difference do 30 years make?
Answer: 1970: Passing the driver’s test.
2000: Passing the vision test.

Question: What’s the life like before and after you fall in love?
Answer: BEFORE: You look seductive in black.
AFTER: Your clothes are so depressing.

Question: What does ABCDEFG stand for?
Answer: A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl.

Question: What does GFEDCBA stand for?
Answer: Girl Forgets Everything Done and Catches (new) Boy Again!

Question: How do I make my wife stop buying gloves?
Answer: Buy her a diamond ring.

Question: Which car would you warn me against buying?
Answer: The one which you can’t push.

Question: How do you find out whether the exams were tough or easy?
Answer: Wear single underwear to all exams and on the last day checkout to what extent it is torn.

Question: Every boy needs a girlfriend. Why?
Answer: Because there are a number of things that go wrong in life. For everything they can’t blame the government or GOD.

Question: How many IT guys does it take a screw in a light bulb?
Answer: None, that’s a facilities department problem.

Question: What’s the difference between complete and finished?
Answer: When you marry the right person you complete and when you marry the wrong one you are finished.

Question: What is a free gift?
Answer: Aren’t all gifts free?

Question: What’s the difference between an investment banker and large pizza?
Answer: A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Question: Why did the traffic light turn red?
Answer: You’d turn red if you had to change in the middle of the street, too.

Question: When do you care for a man’s company?
Answer: When he owns it.

Question: What will you find monasteries in Antarctica?
Answer: Cold Monk.

Question: Why did the blonde walk past the medicine cabinet?
Answer: So that she didn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Question: How do men sort their laundry?
Answer: ‘Filthy’ and ‘filthy but wearable’.

Question: What is a wedding tragedy?
Answer: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money.

Question: Why is Eve luckier than other woman?
Answer: Because she never had a mother-in-law.

Question: What did the cannibal eat at the ‘All You Can Eat Halloween’ buffet?
Answer: Two waitresses and a bus boy.

Question: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
Answer: A real neck pain!

Question: What’s the relationship between wine shops and coffee shops?
Answer: Most love stories begin at the coffee shop and end in the wine shop!

Question: Why was the math’s book sad?
Answer: Because it had so many problems!

Question: What’s common between clouds and men?
Answer: It’s a bright day, after they go away.

Question: What does the statement “it would take too long to explain” mean?
Answer: I have no idea how it works.

Question: Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage?
Answer: They have experienced pain and also brought jewellery.

Question: How do sales people greet each other?
Answer: Hi, nice meeting you. I am better than you.

Question: What is the fullform of MATHS?
Answer: Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing Students.

Question: How do you save a man from drowning?
Answer: Take your foot off his head.

Question: What did one elevator say to the other?
Answer: I think I’m coming down with something.

Question: What happens when a paranoid has a low self-esteem?
Answer: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

Question: Why is common sense like a rainbow?
Answer: Because it never appears until after the storm.

Question: Why is Salman Khan stressed these days?
Answer: Because his girlfriend is jawaan and bhabi is badnaam! (2010)

Question: How do you infuse IPL principles into the domain of academics?
Answer: Introduce cheerleaders to cheer for every correct answer written!

Question: Why did god create Adam before he created Eve?
Answer: Because he didn’t want any one telling him how to make Adam.

Question: What do you get when you cross a python with a porcupine?
Answer: Ten feet of barbed wire.

Question: Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Answer: Because it had a nice groove in it.

Question: Difference between mom and wife?
Answer: Mom brings you onto this world crying and wife ensures you continue to do so.

Question: Who is better? An innocent girl or a decent girl?
Answer: Can’t say because you cannot compare two things simultaneously.

Question: What did gangster’s son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
Answer: Dad they questioned me for three hours but I never told them anything.

Question: Why should a married man forget his mistakes?
Answer: There is no point in two people remembering the same thing.

Question: Why does Rajinikanth not wear a watch?
Answer: He decides what time it is.

Question: What happened when Rajinikanth wrote a cheque?
Answer: The bank bounced!

Question: How does banta dial 9449494494?
Answer: He dials 94494 first and presses REDIAL!