Teacher Student
Teacher: John, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables!
Teacher: What’s the longest word in the English language?
George: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters!
Teacher: Class, we will have only half days school this morning.
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Sam: Yes it's really strange. I’ve got another pair of the same at home.
Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
John: Don’t bite any.
Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?
Sam: I get up early!
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Sam: A teacher.
Teacher: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
John: No, teacher I’m having trouble listening!
Teacher: You idiots! At your age, Einstein ranked first in class. What about You?
Student: Sir, at your age, Hitler committed suicide, What about You?
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home.
Student: I can’t, I live just round the corner!
Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?
George: I tried, but there was someone already there!
Teacher: Name any coolest place easily accessible to you.
Ram: Fridge!
A girl to her professor: I’d do anything to pass this exam.
Professor: Anything?
His voice turns to a whisper “Would you…. Study?”
Mathematics professor:
A = B, B = C, So A = C.
Prove this method with example.
Student: Sir, I love you, you love your daughter, so I love your daughter.
Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Chintu: At the bottom of the page sir!
Teacher: Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil: No, Sir. They haven’t finished the water I gave them last week.
Teacher: What happens to gold when it’s exposed to the air?
Ram: It disappears.
Boy: My dad’s name is laughing and my mum’s name is smiling.
Teacher: You must be kidding.
Boy: No, that’s my brother’s name I am joking.
Teacher: Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
Sam: Little bigger.
Teacher: What do you call a person who can’t hear anything?
John: You can call him anything you feel like for he won’t be able to hear you.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.
Teacher: When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.
Student: My name is Sunlight.
Teacher: 3+3 Kitne hote hai?
Sonu: 8
Teacher: Kaise?
Sonu: Galti se.
Teacher: What is your name?
Student: Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.
Teacher: When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.
Student: My name is Sunlight.
History sir was on leave, so science sir prepared history question paper.
Student’s shocked seeing 1st question.
Describe Queen Elizabeth with neat diagram and label the parts?
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow?
Sammy: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Sammy: You can’t fool me Teacher, snakes don’t have feet.
Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don’t know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
Teacher: Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?
Sam: I don't know.
Teacher: Bark, Sam, bark.
Sam: Bow, wow, wow!
Teacher: Who said, ‘Change can’t be given to you every time. It is you who must bring the change?’
Student: My bus conductor.
Teacher: Why does sea water tastes like salt?
Student: Maybe a ship of salt sank a long time ago.
Student: The brain is a wonderful thing.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Student: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you are asked a question in class.
Teacher: Milton, how can you prove the Earth is round?
Milton: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.
A new student came to the class. After asking his name the teacher said, “What does your father do?”
Student: Whatever mom says.
Teacher: This is the fifth time this week that I have had punish you; What do you have to say?
Student: Thank god Saturday and Sunday are holidays, Sir!
Sam (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Sam: This is my father speaking!
Sam: I don't think I deserved zero on this test!
Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could give you!
Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is “You will go to jail”.
Teacher: Sam, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Sam: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
Teacher: How old are you Raj?
Raj: I’m 9.
Teacher: And what are you going to be?
Raj: 10.
Teacher: If you multiple 50 by 8 and divide by 4, what do you get?
Sam: Wrong answer.
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Thiruvananthapuram.
Teacher: Can you spell it?
Student: I think I was born in Goa.
Teacher: What’s fear?
Student: Fear is that deep, gut wrenching feeling when pages of your book smell new, that too a day before your exam.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: My dad asked me to take our cow to the bull.
Teacher: Can’t your father do it?
Student: No, only a bull can do it.
Professor: What do you mean you ate away your assignment?
Fresher: But you said it was a piece of cake!
Teacher: The oldest animal in the world is?
Student: Zebra.
Teacher: How?
Student: It’s black and white.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Bike puncture.
Teacher: Why didn’t you come in bus?
Student: I’m not so rich to buy a bus sir!
Teacher was taking class. Suddenly a boy went out of the class.
Lecturer: Why he went out?
His friend: Sir, he has the habit of walking in sleep.
Teacher: What do you call a person who can’t hear?
Student: Call him anything because he can’t hear.
Teacher drops a worm in alcohol, the worm dies.
Teacher: This proves alcohol is bad. What do you understand?
Student: Alcohol kills worms in stomach.
Teacher: how do you address a monster?
Johnny: Very politely.
Teacher to sleepy student: Who invented steam engine?
Student: What sir?
Teacher: Yes its correct. James Watt.
Moral: Sleeping improves general knowledge.
Teacher: How old is your father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of 'Coincidence'?
Johnny: Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Student: No ma'am! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Student: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.
Student: A holiday.
Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhiji was born.
Teacher: Good. What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Teacher: Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Joe: Right where you left him.
Teacher: Who comes like a lion and goes out like a lamb?
Johnny: Father.
Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity.
Student: Right. Had he sat in class he wouldn’t have discovered it.
Teacher: George, you talk a lot.
George: It’s a family tradition.
Teacher: What?
George: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker and my father is a teacher.
Teacher: What about your mother?
George: She is a woman.
Teacher: Can you tell the names of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into students lives?
Student: Smo-'king'
Drin-'king'
Bun-'king'
Teacher: How can we keep our school clean?
Student: By staying at home.
Teacher: What’s height of dehydration?
John: A cow giving milk powder.
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student: Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher: What happened in 1873?
Student: Gandhiji was four years old.
Topic: Write an essay on day without sunlight
Tim: Day without sunlight is like night.
Teacher: What is the outer portion of the tree called?
Sam: I don’t know.
Teacher: Bark, cam, bark.
Sam: Bow, wow, wow!
Professor: Could you please pay a little attention?
Fresher: I am already paying as little attention as I can.
Teacher: What would happen if electricity wasn’t discovered?
Student: We would watch TV in candle light.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Girl: Sir, a boy was following me.
Teacher: So?
Girl: He was walking really slow.
Teacher: How old is your father?
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born.
Teacher: Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?
Johnny: Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day, same time.
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.
Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE.
Teacher: Four pretty girls are walking. Change it to exclamatory.
Sam: Wow!
Teacher: What is farther away, Australia or the moon?
Pupil: Australia, you can see the moon at night!
Teacher: What is the plural of mouse?
Student: Mice
Teacher: What is the plural of baby?
Student: Twins.
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in the world?
Sardar: Zebra.
Teacher (Shocked): How?
Sardar: Because it’s still “Black and White”.